A World Within
This is me.
I have had vivid dreams for as long as I can remember. Often chaotic flashes of elements and colors, visions of far off lands of space and time… Over the years I have learned to lean into the world of the unreal, the intangible, and ethereal.
An exploration of my subconscious in the many ways I have managed to connect with it. My fears, hopes, desires, accomplishments and doubts. An ongoing and shifting mirror of my real life veiled in maze of layered experiences.
This is my world within.
This. Is. Me.
2024-07-15
Everyone can Create, No Really!
So, you have all heard that whole "everyone's an artist thing". And sure, if we define it as the techical skills required to make a living at it, then no- Not everyone is an artist. People put thier stats in different things. But but but, if we say it's simply means one that can make stuff... Well then we've got something very special.
We all want to create something from the ideas in our head. That's it! The very nature of our species is that we think stuff, then we make that thyur stuff into reality. Works of creation come in so many forms! A great painting, a glass sculpture, a poem, a well balanced schedule, a meal, some fan fiction, a concise and understandable instruction manual, A planned birthday surprise, A heist, A no miss score in a rhythm game, In investment scam, our economic system. It all thrumms to the same note. Imagine, gather, plan, create! BOOM! Make stuff!
We want to meet up in the special place between difficulty and skill. The stream of conciousness where our focus is absolute. The invigorating condensation of select few ideas in a maelstrom of thoughts, the combination of past and This. Very. Second. Creations are crystalized intent... They are not just the thinking, but the doing too. And ANYONE can do that.
So... Don't be afraid to go make stuff! It doesn't matter if you mess up! Don't use "I am not creative" as an excuse to not create the thing rattling around in that brain jar of yours. Be brave! I believe in you.
2024-06-25
Chaotic Harmony
I can’t begin to describe what it meant for me to make this. Words simply fail but the whole point of having this page is that I try, so here we go.
Long ago I locked away a part of myself. A part that was used like a tool to shoulder the trauma and bullshit of my earlier years. I thought I didn’t need it anymore, and that it was so flawed that it didn’t deserve love. That -I- didn’t deserve love. I spent 15 years with that part strictly quarantined in my mind. Always shut down when attempting to be heard, or minimized in order to live a normal adult life.
The crazy part is that it worked. I got a decent job, a partner, a great circle of friends. My life was set… But things didn’t feel right. It’s as if everything had a grey wash to it. I was just going through the motions. Existing and producing like the good little cog this machine we call a society designed me to be.
Eventually however, that locked away part reached a breaking point. Looking back at it now the actual life event that triggered this was pretty mundane. But what happened inside shattered my whole world and that deep damaged part of my psyche screamed to be free. The problem was, that I didn’t know how to let him out. But someone new had just the set of lockpicks for the job.
He helped me perform somewhat of a mental jailbreak and my entire perspective on life changed in an instant. The wash of grey was removed, colour was added to the world again, and my creative potential and motivation shot through the roof and into the stars. My priorities shifted to living the life that I authentically NEEDED to live.
I experienced such profound joy. Joy that before this moment I wasn’t sure I was even capable of. Of course, with that came sorrow too. My entire emotional range doubled overnight and navigating this new way of life, healing this part of me, and parsing the chaotic storm of my own creativity is something I will cherish for the rest of my days.
Thank you my wolf, from the bottom of my heart.
2024-05-29
It’s time to run as fast as I can.
Most of my life has led up to this moment. I have told myself countless times that I am not good enough to release my work to the world and join the online creative community. I used skilling up as an excuse to avoid being vulnerable and moving forward in my creative career.
Everything has changed now. This is my job. My full time gig. My lively-hood. I am excited and overjoyed, but also afraid. So much rides on whether I sink or swim.
I still ask myself if the timing is right. Now with the advent of artists being scraped and their life’s work chewed up and spat back out and the industrialization of the one sector of humanity that should have been immune to automation.
Maybe this is the worst time in human history to be a new professional artist. However, I can’t afford to see it that way. Creating things lights my soul on fire, makes my belly sing, and my heart swell. It’s my very nature!
So I am going to run. I am going to run as hard and as fast as I can towards what resonates the hardest. I am exploring new horizons in a world where everything is thought to have been done already! I openly share my passion even though I know it can be stolen and regurgitated! I paint my heart out because I must!